Monday, August 29, 2011

Hippie Eggs

One day I really wanted scrambled eggs.  I mean, really wanted scrambled eggs.  Which is funny because I never really liked eggs until I was told I couldn’t have them.  So, I got out one of my trusty cookbooks for allergy-free cooking- The Everything Food Allergy Cookbook.  In it, there is a recipe for “ Egg-less Scrambled Eggs.”  A little tofu, a little turmeric, and I had a suitable substitute for scrambled eggs.  I mixed in some onions, mushrooms and a little vegan cheese.  Then I added some gluten-free toasted bread on the side and I was in heaven!

Hippie Eggs with Spam

 Of course, T- my youngest- also wanted some scrambled eggs, so I fixed him the real deal.  And then I fixed him another. And another.  And another.  As fast as I could cook the eggs, he would eat them and ask for more.   Finally, we ran out of eggs!  So, I forked some of my “eggs” onto his plate.  Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry anymore….  The plate was spilled on the floor a few minutes later and Biscuit the dog came running over to see what wonderous food had been dropped from the sky.  I’m not kidding you, Biscuit took one sniff of the turmeric-laced forgery and ran and hid in the other room!  That’s when I had to ‘fess up to myself: Tofu-Turmeric eggs are NOT eggs.  Not even close.  But it got me through the craving and that was what mattered. 
Note:  Yes, the above picture has Spam in it.  Yes, Spam is gluten-free.  Yes, there is a story behind why I was eating Spam.  No, I don't do it frequently, and no, I'm not going to tell you the story today- that's a whole separate post. Oh, the shame! :)

I’m a firm believer that if I’m going to get through this- and by “this” I mean live with these allergies for the rest of my life- I’m going to have to engage in a little trickery.  A sleight of hand, if you will.  Fool my eyes and I am halfway to fooling my brain.  Smooshed tofu turned yellow by the tasteless spice totally looked like eggs (well, maybe I had to squint a little bit…) and I survived another day happy and content with my lot in life. 

The longer I go without eating “the real thing”, the easier it is for me to accept the substitute.  Some days I am absolutely convinced that I have stumbled upon a carbon copy of whatever dish I am trying to replicate.  The people around me are less convinced.  But, you know, I’m ok with that.  They can have the original of whatever it is, and I’ll be happy with my substitute.   The dog and I’ll be over here enjoying our gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free treat!

  Biscuit!  Biscuit?  She really is a smart dog…


  1. I totally agree that fooling the eyes is halfway to fooling the brain. I've done it so many times in the past. And the longer you live with different life choices, the more it just becomes part of your life. Keep on, Val. I'm so proud of you, and glad that you are feeling better every day!

  2. Thanks Megan! I figure that there is no use complaining about it (much...) because this is the way it has to be- unless I want to feel like crap or spend $$$$$ trying to fix it with crazy voodoo ideas. And don't think I haven't thought about it..... :)